GETTING STARTED

I have been blogging for a few months on MySpace. This week I noticed Myspace is dropping my old blogs as fast as I enter new ones so I want to try a new grwon up blog. We will see how this one works...

A few years ago I promised myself to start writing again, as a form of artistic expression. I love to journal privately, but I am not use to writing a diary that's open for the public viewing. Now I think I am passing through that blockage too. I must remain sensitive to & respectful to the privacy of others. But I really want to write for me again.

Not long ago, I completed CanCare cancer support volunteer training. The next day when I woke up, I remembered my own cancer experiences & cried like I had not done before. (I hope that was release!) I continue remembering things about all of my various cancer experiences, things I have not thought of in a long time, all those poignant things that I have not completely worked through. Not only was there my cancer, but there was my mother's cancer & Winnie's cancer, & the many people with cancer who came to me because they needed the reassurance of hearing about someone who lived through a very aggressive cancer battle. Many individuals I met along this journey were successful with their cancer treatments, but my mother & Winnie did not live. (More about my mother & Winnie later.)

I see a ripe subject in front of me, a subject that is for the most part mine to share & may also be meaningful to others. I hope that what I write serves me artistically & psychologically. I will also be happy if other cancer patients, survivors (in the broadest sense, not just cancer survivors) & family members of cancer patients want to add comments & participate in the dialogue.

Probably I will also want to write about my animals; Current events taking place in natural world around me (like the bee swarm I saw leave its hive in the spring this year for a new hive with a new queen); Other artistic adventures & projects (like the WyldeFyre Amy's Ice Cream 1st Thursday Fire & Ice Cream Social last week or something really cool that I just designed & made or developed a recipe for); Being a survivor (my list includes severe childhood trauma with alcoholism & many cancer experiences); Comparative Religion; Healing methods; Fitness (physical, emotional & spiritual); DANCE of course; Great books or works of art; New scientific discoveries, Herbalism... So here goes!

Artistically I am aware of my how my spirit is changing & growing as a result of passing through rough life experiences. Besides significant childhood trauma in my background, there are also the difficult accomplishments. One of the hardest things I ever did was to complete my UT Austin Mechanical Engineering degree as a woman when I was one of 2 or 3 women in ME college. The two most difficult cancer experiences so far were watching my mother die slowly after doctor gave her too much radiation for colon cancer. Then next in difficulty for me came my successful battle with aggressive ovarian & uterine cancer that was growing multiple grapefruit sized tumors in 2-3 weeks.

Now I am so proud of my inner spirit. God/dess or Great Spirit blessed me in ways I never expected. Art & psychology are fusing in my subconscious. Early in life I was attuned to the Phoenix archetype. At age 17 my mother showed me I am a Scorpio rising & I felt the soul within me that rises from the ashes & triumphantly lives again after difficult experiences. After cancer, the archetype that spoke loudest to me evolved into a dragon. I often performed as a dancing dragon with a drumming group & *I became the Dragon*. Now subsequent to cancer survival I am aware of a Warrior(ess) spirit supporting me in my journey. I feel like Xena walks within me and around me (as an aspect of God/dess or Shekinah???) & I am meeting wonderful wonderful warrior women in my private life, which makes me very happy. Now people see the tough part of me where they always use to see someone who was extremely sensitive & innocent. Somehow the artistic expression of these sometimes harrowing life experiences allows me to frame the difficult experiences as adventures in my life. This helps smooth all the feelings for me, placing abstract meaning on the experiences that make them valuable & tolerable to remember consciously so I can move through the remaining rough memories & file edges down a little bit.